Sensitive faces?

Have you dealt with face sensitivity before? Suli has always (since I brought her home at 8 months old) been extremely sensitive about applying pressure to her face. She responds appropriately to very light, steady pressure on her nose, cheek, chin, and poll. Her sensitivity is expressed when putting on the halter. No matter how soft I tried to be with her halter she would pull and dive her nose and fidget while putting it on and taking it off. All these behaviors seem specific to the halter pressure. On-line she is usually light but when she does hit the end of the line she expresses her displeasure with the halter pressure. She will yank and rear and fling her head. It took time and patience to help her get comfortable with the haltering and unhaltering process. A lot of holding softly and waiting for her to soften. Now she halters calmly and knows if she's soft then she won't have to deal with extra halter pressure.

A few things come to mind - teeth, extrovert, zone 1 confident, and inappropriate response to pressure.

She could be a sensitive teether. A lot is happening inside that long jaw of hers and it's bound to cause discomfort when extra pressure is applied.

She's an extrovert and doesn't hide her feedback. It may feel like extreme behavior but she's simply being obvious about how she feels. She feels blocked, uncomfortable, and frustrated. She doesn't understand why she suddenly runs into all that pressure and responds accordingly to the shock.

She's a confident horse and zone 1 is more challenging for her to share in harmony...

Could it also be the halter? I tried out Kalley's new hybrid halter and saw am immediate and substantial difference when she felt the halter pressure. It was less offensive to her and she made that very clear to me.

I'm mulling over ideas to help her become softer on the line without putting her young body in a round pen and forcing her to do a thousand circles. She hits the end of the line because I have lost connection, so breaking down my send to maintain connection may be a good place to start...

How have you handled a horse with facial sensitivities?

Leadership Journey, the shepherd

When we play with our horses, especially those whose main purpose in life is to have fun, we try to keep our time together playful. We become the 'Ambassador of Yes' instead of the 'Minister of No'. With horses that tend to be more fearful, we help them feel safe and focus their scattered emotions, we go as slow as they need with a gentle hand, and we often have to wait longer for them. We give incentives to unmotivated horses and get their busy brains thinking positive things. In order to accomplish this we have to become puzzle-solvers, think outside the box, establish feel and timing, and become balanced.

We use all these phrases and terms to get ourselves in the better (I like the use of 'better' here rather than 'right') frame of mind. It really comes down to being the best leader we can be in that given moment.  

Leader is such a loaded word. It describes someone who rewards and does not punish, someone who has a plan and knows how to get there, someone with perspective, understanding, and can and will flex to fit the horse and the situation. A leader is someone that others look up to and want to follow. Others are attracted to and drawn to follow balance, harmony, kindness, genuineness, humility, and wisdom.
That's a lot to pack into one little word!

The truth is the horsemanship journey is a leadership journey. Horses require of us all these qualities in order to establish and maintain a partnership. They will reflect us with their feedback and let us know exactly where we stand on the leadership scale. It's our responsibility to see and hear this feedback and do something about it in ourselves.

My passion turned into a career, which I named Shepherd's Way Horsemanship. There are many biblical scriptures that describe a shepherd. One that resonates with me and that I keep in the forefront of my mind when I am with my horses is John 10:11,

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives his life for his sheep.

All of us read that and immediately think it means 'to die for' his sheep -- this is true. But I also look at it as setting aside my life -- my past, my future, my lofty goals and expectations, my stresses and worries, my life outside of this very moment -- and being fully present. I 'give up' my life and all the bustle to be in the moment. This is a big sacrifice on our parts because it takes practice - a time investment - and is often uncomfortable and challenging to accomplish. It requires us to set aside our emotions and sometimes immature and selfish wants to become a leader. In the end it's good for us, but the process takes sacrifice. A shepherd (leader) will give his life for his sheep (followers). 

A shepherd is a leader, but how does he become one? What is at his core that drives him to embrace these leadership qualities? The answer is Love.... and I will discuss in my next blog!

What about Learning?

STREAM OF HORSEMANNESS Monday! -- What about Learning?
(Disclaimer: There is a reason why I call this Stream of Horsemanness -- These thoughts are not thoroughly researched. They are written in a sort of stream of consciousness free-form as it comes to me.)

What better way to start the week with a long-overdue SoH post? I have a list of topics I am eager to cover but haven't made the time to explore them enough to write something worth sharing. But I hope this subject will offer something interesting on your Monday, even in it's raw format!

What does it mean to learn? Merriam-webster defines "Learn" as a verb, "...to gain knowledge or skill by studying, practicing, being taught, or experiencing something." So learning is the action we expect to come from experiencing something.
What is it we want our horses to learn? How will we shape their experience to cause them to learn what we want them to learn?

This subject can go in a lot of different directions (which all excite me!), but I want to look broadly at WHAT we are teaching our horses in the experiences we share with them.

So briefly...

I often relate horses to children because I see so many similarities. Like horses, children live in the moment - something we seem to lose as we age (but we don't have to!). And like children, we are teaching horses life skills. All too often in horse "training" we get hyper-focused on teaching a specific task or maneuver, when what we should be teaching is self-confidence or freedom of expression and through that the task will come.

Why do we put kids on little league teams? To learn baseball? Well, yes, but usually the reason we put our kids in a sport is to learn teamwork, social skills, and self-confidence. Why do we encourage art or dance? Because it allows a child to learn about self-expression and self-exploration, not just how to pirouette!

I use balls, tarps, and toys not to teach my horse how to use the objects, but as a means to confidence, emotional fitness, and maybe even bravery! I use liberty not to teach a horse how to move with me without attachments, but to build trust and prove to my horse that I will not control her. I use "Games" as consistent experiences, and patterns to build confidence.

So the next time you share time with your horse, consider what that experience will cause them to learn. Will he learn to swing the bat just right to hit the ball? Or will he learn that no matter how many times he swings and misses that you will be there to support him and encourage him? Will she learn how to hit the high notes? Or will she learn how to express her inner feelings in a way she never knew she could? ...

Maybe next time we will explore the three different types of learners: Auditory, Visual, and Kinesthetic. Which one are you? Do you think some horses have a learning preference?

Thanks for reading!

Patterns and Loss

STREAM OF HORSEMANNESS Friday -- Patterns and Loss

We are creatures of habit. Have you heard that one before? How about "horses are pattern animals"?
Patterns help us survive... and cope.

Have you ever realized a "bad" pattern existed in your life? Maybe a convenient yet unhealthy eating habit? (I am so bad about eating around my veggies, and I'm vegan! How terrible is that!?) How about using negative words in your daily walk? Or procrastinating cleaning the kitchen? Or leaving your valuables out for the dogs to chew up? What stinky habits would you love to boot from your life?
But why is it so hard to change those patterns? Someone well versed in psychology might talk about positive reinforcement even in the destructive habits (and about many other aspects I have no clue about!)...
After mulling this over for a few weeks the answer started to become clearer to me. Part of why it is so challenging to change a habit is because there is a sense of loss, even in losing a bad pattern! We are so familiar with our negative pattern that it becomes what we know... we might even say we feel safe in that behavior, despite the cumulative consequences.

I do *this* every day of my life, sometimes even on a subconscious level. Quitting anything that has become part of who I am is going to be difficult emotionally. There will be an aspect of acceptance and letting go of that part of yourself.

I would argue that horses may feel the same sense of loss when we ask them to change a pattern. That pattern might be a behavior that has kept them safe, like Eli's excessive dominance resulting from being severely pushed and abused. Or it might be introversion, going to their mental and emotional safe place to cope with pressure, like Karma the donkey who was bred, neglected, and used, so even after years of love she still slips into that safe-zone when she feels someone is about to do something to her. Or a horse that says "No" in a variety of ways because people are just no fun!

We should be aware that asking them to step outside this zone they've created to keep themselves safe and comfortable is going to require more from them than simply changing a behavior. They have to release that pattern on an emotional level and let go over time.

Something to consider in ourselves and in our horses...

Any horse can teach, not anyone will learn

Sometimes it takes a big slice of humble pie before a person will acknowledge their lack of knowledge. For some it is truly hard to accept and admit where they're at on their journey. Our society teaches us to conform and we spend a lifetime trying to be just like the person we're told we should emulate. So we buy brand-named clothes and wear what's in style and speak the current lingo. We are considered weird when we don't conform...
So it stands to reason that it's hard for most people to accept themselves just as they are.
So only the people who learn to be honest with themselves can truly learn from the horse. The horse will always be honest. He will always express himself. He will always be your mirror. But if your eyes are closed you will never see what they are reflecting - you will never be able to learn.

Like any behavior in life, the road to self acceptance, humbleness, and inner honesty take PRACTICE. You have to apply it to every situation. You have to use every circumstance as opportunities to practice these qualities. The more you practice, the more developed that quality will be.

I used to use force with horses. I could get just about any horse to bow to my will. So when I made the conscious choice to change that in myself, it was not easy. Every single interaction with horses had to be used as a learning opportunity. A chance to practice letting go of the frustration and ego, giving up my agenda. There were times when it felt like I took ten giant steps backward (usually a donkey would push my buttons, revealing the old habits just below the shiny new surface). It seemed I would improve by the tiniest increments - it was easy for me to overlook any progress I had made because the improvements were at times microscopic to my eye. Letting go of ego was the hardest part of it all. So many of my patterns were wrapped up in ego. And my awareness of what behaviors were egotistical at their core came slowly. Even my perception of leadership was twisted with dominance.
Letting go of these patterns -- essentially everything I did -- was exhausting. I experienced a sense of loss as these old habits vanished, even though those habits were negative and unhealthy. I was losing parts of myself that were familiar.

But as I replaced the old habits of force and make and allowed my ego to shrivel and wither, I felt lighter in my spirit and happier with every growing positive encounter with my horses. The successes finally did come and fueled my desire to continue to grow in this new method of love, compassion, understanding, and benevolent leadership.

The most important concept I have learned so far on my personal journey has been this: love is key. Without love nothing is possible. Without an understanding of what love is, you're lost. Every behavior we express comes from an instinctual place of survival. All of our issues stem from keeping yourself safe. Know-it-alls, mean people, brown-nosers, to name a few, are driven to those behaviors out of safety and comfort. They've been hurt or broken somewhere along their path and have developed mechanisms to cope and keep themself safe from further pain. They seriously lack love -- from others and for themselves.

A horse will reflect who you are at any given moment. If you want to see yourself in all honesty, interact with a horse. They are an extremely special and unique creature here for that very purpose. I have no doubt this is the truth.

If you're ready, come along for the ride.

This place, ending a chapter

The past few months have been tumultuous, to say the least. We were informed last fall that the property we rent was being sold, but not to worry because the new owners were excited for us to stay and continue our arrangement. Just a few short weeks ago that plan came crumbling down when we were told we did indeed have to pack our bags and go. 

We've lived on this farm for 5 years. I've built my horse boarding business here. It was this place where I realized my dream to pursue teaching Horsemanship. It was here where I made the decision not to force my horses anymore and where I committed to learning how to be with horses in a positive way. It was this farm where my life took a significant change of direction, for the better. There are places on this farm where I wept, and some where I have celebrated. I have made lifelong friends, and lost a few who I thought were friends. I founded a nonprofit animal advocacy group on this soil, literally lying in the dirt with my newly rescued Holstein calf burping in my ear. I saved lives and added them to my family. I multiplied my responsibilities twenty-fold under these oak canopies.
I realized a dream or two. I made them come to fruition. I made countless mistakes... And learned from some of them. I suffered and perservered, mentally, emotionally, and physically through winter, spring, summer, and fall.
 

This place, whether I loved it or hated it, provided a home for me and my family. 

This is where I got my horse back after FIVE long years of separation. And 5 years later this is where I had to retire her. These weeds and grass bared witness to the beautiful repairing of my relationship with Satin. The trees provided shade while I obsessively learned to throw a 45' line or flick a savvy string on the end of a carrot stick with Satin watching nearby... The dirt and leaves absorbed my sweat, blood, and tears from years of growth. The pastures have heard my cries and my praises. 

Koko was born here -- The only birth under my care. Two horses died here. Others were 'born again' here.

I've gotten to know our resident red-shoulder hawks and our pair of barred owls. I watched baby owls play in my water trough and shared in their laughter. I've met venomous snakes - some huge ones and some tiny - and relocated them a few blocks away. I named a few raccoons, and gave refuge to a silly opposum named Butters. I've been spooked in the dark of night by many an armadillo.

At times it seems I've been here for a hundred years, and other times it feels like yesterday John and I were clasping hands with grins on both our faces, excited for the future of this place. But it wasn't always daisies and roses... More often than not it felt like a tremendous struggle to inhabit this dilapidated mobile home under the canopy of ever-falling limbs atop dusty, sandy soil. 

Alas, this chapter of our lives is about to conclude. I will take away endless learning experiences and priceless moments. We are about to embark on a new path, the next chapter. I expect to use the tools and knowledge I've gained from this place and the last 5 years for living an even better chapter this time.

Is Kathy right for you and your horse?

All trainers and instructors have a different approach to teaching the horse or human, based on their personal experiences. We all get to decide who we want to teach us and/or our horse(s)!

I used to ride and train horses through force. As a girl I was known for my skill with troubled horses, even if it meant spanking a horse into some sort of tolerance and submission to my dominance. After spending the last 5 years intensely learning how to become more mentally and emotionally fit, how the horse thinks, and how to be a loving leader, I now approach horsemanship with love at the core, leadership in myself and my students, and equal respect and understanding of our horse partners. Nowadays, the only challenge I face is how to address an issue, be it in the human or the horse, without ever resorting to ego, agenda, force, make, or impatience.

From bucking, biting, striking, and rearing, to lack of impulsion, unwillingness, 'laziness' -- all these behaviors can be changed through partnership and without domination. I can help your horse, but it is up to you to gain the knowledge and skills to maintain such a positive relationship.

No two horses are alike, just like no two people are the same. We come from different places and have different life experiences. Each horse and human is on their own unique journey. I do not expect a horse to learn something in 30-days. I expect him to learn as he is able, on a time-frame that preserves his dignity and comfort, but pushing him to thresholds and showing him how brave he can be.

Are you a math buff? What's that you say? Math is your least favorite subject? How about I tell you that you have to learn advanced calculus in 30 days. Why? Well, because your dad is paying a tutor to do it in that specific amount of time. And because your disdain for math is so... strong, you know the next 30 days will likely be the most unpleasant, stressful 30 days of your life. And when it's over? Will you understand it? If I am a great teacher then you probably can retain 20% of it for a few months. But how will you feel after being force-fed information that makes your brain hurt and your body ill? Will you ever look at math the same after that?

I don't put a time-table on our horses. Some learn surprisingly fast. Some have seeming insurmountable baggage that must be dealt with first before learning a skill can even come into the picture. Some people have tremendous, life-long emotional baggage that will simply not allow them to progress very quickly until their emotional fitness has been addressed.

I am a holistic teacher. I care about your overall well-being. Keeping you happy and progressive are two of my biggest goals. My passion is to effectively and lovingly share what I have learned and continue to learn so that the amazing, beautiful partnership that is available, waiting in the ether of potential to be tapped into, can be enjoyed by you and your horse.