Patterns and Loss

STREAM OF HORSEMANNESS Friday -- Patterns and Loss

We are creatures of habit. Have you heard that one before? How about "horses are pattern animals"?
Patterns help us survive... and cope.

Have you ever realized a "bad" pattern existed in your life? Maybe a convenient yet unhealthy eating habit? (I am so bad about eating around my veggies, and I'm vegan! How terrible is that!?) How about using negative words in your daily walk? Or procrastinating cleaning the kitchen? Or leaving your valuables out for the dogs to chew up? What stinky habits would you love to boot from your life?
But why is it so hard to change those patterns? Someone well versed in psychology might talk about positive reinforcement even in the destructive habits (and about many other aspects I have no clue about!)...
After mulling this over for a few weeks the answer started to become clearer to me. Part of why it is so challenging to change a habit is because there is a sense of loss, even in losing a bad pattern! We are so familiar with our negative pattern that it becomes what we know... we might even say we feel safe in that behavior, despite the cumulative consequences.

I do *this* every day of my life, sometimes even on a subconscious level. Quitting anything that has become part of who I am is going to be difficult emotionally. There will be an aspect of acceptance and letting go of that part of yourself.

I would argue that horses may feel the same sense of loss when we ask them to change a pattern. That pattern might be a behavior that has kept them safe, like Eli's excessive dominance resulting from being severely pushed and abused. Or it might be introversion, going to their mental and emotional safe place to cope with pressure, like Karma the donkey who was bred, neglected, and used, so even after years of love she still slips into that safe-zone when she feels someone is about to do something to her. Or a horse that says "No" in a variety of ways because people are just no fun!

We should be aware that asking them to step outside this zone they've created to keep themselves safe and comfortable is going to require more from them than simply changing a behavior. They have to release that pattern on an emotional level and let go over time.

Something to consider in ourselves and in our horses...